My head.

I sit by my window looking out into the sky,

it isn't death that I fear its never having lived in the first place.

My head aches,

I'm short of breaths.

I breath.

In

out

the clouds pass by grouped together.

My phone buzzes.

I sit in silence.

I look back at my past,

why am I here?

My heart could stop at any second.

Have I impacted anyone's life?

Questions unanswered race through my mind,

I watch the clouds disappear.

I'm taken back to when I was in third grade

 sitting by my best friend Kayla,

Shes called to the office

shes moving.

She is saying her goodbyes

she turns to me,

says something I cant remember.

Something  along the lines of goodbye or miss me,

I reply with something I have wanted to take back my whole life

you never existed I say jokingly.

I receive the saddest look I've ever seen.

She takes her stuff and goes to the office

I never see her again,

I'm brought back to looking out the window

I blink,

a car drives by

I think about my parents in Arizona.

what if they never come back?

Would I miss them?

Who would I live with?

I blink.

I think about people with depression

 and why they cant just eat a bowl of ice cream and be fine.

I think about people with ADHD and why they can't just focus.

I think about how stupid phobias are

then I realize how much I would feakout if a spider was above me descending from its web

I look up

no spider,

my heart stops raising.

I think about the girl I saw in the halls and wonder why she was so sad.

I think about the girl that I thought looked cute and wonder why I didn't compliment her.

I think about.......

I cant say because now I'm focusing on blinking

and whats wrong with the people that blink 50 thousand times when they talk and never realize it,

or how some peoples nose moves when they talk.

I swallow.

My head stops hurting

I close my eyes,

and imagine 

how the world would be without me.

Then I realize it doesn't matter because I'm still alive and if the world doesn't like that than kill me,

because

I'm 

still

here.